Hash Songs

Hashers like to sing songs, especially at Circle before every Down-Down. They raise the spirit and cleanse the soul and, of course, appropriately abuse the hashers subjected to them. There are a lot of songs in circulation and every kennel seem to have their own favorites. Without any further ado, here are some that can be heard in or around Stockholm:

The Hasher Song 

Here's to ______, s/he's so blue.
S/he's a Hasher through and through.
S/he's a pisspot, so they say.
Tried to go to heaven, but s/he went the other way.


Here's to Fellow Hasher
(Ach, Du Lieber Augustin)

Here’s to brother hasher,
brother hasher, brother hasher,
Here’s to brother hasher,
may he chug-a-lug. 

He’s happy, he’s jolly,
he’s fucked up by golly.
Here’s to brother hasher,
may he chug-a-lug. 

So drink motherfucker!
Drink motherfucker!
Drink motherfucker!
Drink motherfucker!
Here’s to brother hasher,
may he chug-a-lug.


Finger in Your Ear

How would, you like, my finger in your ear?
How would, you like, my finger in your ear?
Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!
Not fucking likely! Hey!


Twenty Toes

There is a game called twenty toes,
that’s played around the town:
Women play with ten toes up
and men with ten toes down, down, down, down...


If the Ocean was Whiskey

If the ocean was whiskey
and you were a duck,
you'd swim to the bottom
and drink it all up.

But the ocean ain't whiskey
and you're not a duck,
so you go out hashing
and have a good... time. 


S/he's the Meanest

S/he's the meanest,
s/he sucks the horse's penis.
S/he's the meanest,
s/he's the horse's ass.

Ever since s/he found it,
all s/he does is pound it;
s/he's the meanest
and s/he takes it up the ass.

So drink, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug!
Drink, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug!


To Virgins:

We've Got Virgins
(Frère Jacques)

There's a virgin.
There's a virgin.
On our hash.
On our hash.
Gonna get him/her fucked up.
Gonna get him/her fucked up.
Down the hatch.
Down the hatch.


You're Stupid

You're so fucking stupid,
you're so fucking dumb.
If it wasn't for your mother,
you'd be a spot of cum!

Countdown

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
On your head!


The Down-Down Song

This is your down-down song,
it isn't very long.


Meet the Hashers
(Meet the Flintstones)

Hashers, meet the hashers,
they’re the biggest drunks in history.
From the hash of Stockholm,
they’re the leaders in debauchery.
Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years.
Watch them as they down a lot of beers.
Down down, down down down down,
down down down down down down down down down,
down down down down down down,
down down down down down down down!


On someone's birthday:

Hashy Birthday
(Happy Birthday)

Hashy birthday, fuck you!
Hashy birthday, fuck you!
Hashy birthday, hashy birthday.
Hashy birthday, fuck you!

What a Wank
(William Tell Overture)

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank (etc).


The Grand Old Duke of York

Oh, the grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men;
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And he marched them down again.

And when they were up, they were up,
And when they were down, they were down,
And when they were only half-way up,
They were neither up nor down down down down...


Pissing on Trail
(Jingle Bells)

P.O.T., P.O.T.
What obscenity!
You should wear a diaper
when your bladder is so weak.

Oh! P.O.T., P.O.T.
Seen by you and me
You should have gone before the run
and not against a tree!

 

  

To the Hare(s):

The Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter

And the hairs!
And the hairs!
And the hairs of her dickey-di-do
hung down to their knees.

One black one, one white one,
and one with a bit of shite on
and one with a fairy light on,
to show is the way.

And the hairs!
And the hairs!
And the hairs of her dickey-di-do
hung down to their knees. 


Eyes of an Eagle

If I had the eye of an eagle,
if I had the wings of a crow,
I'd fly over god's creation
and shit on the hashers below, below.

Shit on, shit on,
shit on the hashers below, below.

Shit on, shit on,
shit on the hashers below.


How Much Beer
(Ode to Joy)

How much beer has he been drinking,
he is looking mighty lit.
As we stand here are we thinking:
do we really give a shit.
Who's that wanker,
so unseemly
that his mum would surely frown.
Grab your beer and hold it firmly,
drink it, drink it, down, down, down.


No, No, No! 

No, No, No!
Bad, Bad, Bad!
Down, Down, Down!


Born So Beautiful

Why was s/he born so beautiful?
Why was s/he born at all?
S/he’s no fucking use to anyone,
s/he’s no fucking use at all.
S/he’s may be a joy to her mother,
but s/he’s just an asshole to me.


Soldier Song

Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be.
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee.
For cunt, for cunt, for country and for queen.
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be.


It's a Small Dick
(It's a Small World)

Well it isn't long and it isn't thick,
it gets hard too slow and it cums too quick,
it gets lost in her twat,
but it's all that he's got,
it's a small, small, dick. 

It's a small dick after all,
it's a small dick after all,
always limp from alcohol,
it's a small, small, dick!


Very Fit Bra

She's wearing a very fit bra.
She's wearing a very fit bra.
And when she's not wearing a very fit bra,
they go down-down-down-down...


Mobile Phone Song
(London Bridge)

Who’s the wanker on the phone,
on the phone, on the phone?

Who’s the wanker on the phone,
on the phone, on the phone?

Down, down, asshole!


Ice Cream

Milk with a hard-on: Ice Cream!


Jesus Saves
(The Battle Hymn of the Republic)

Chorus:
Free beer for all the hashers!
Free beer for all the hashers!
Free beer for all the hashers!
Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!

Optional verses (preceeding the chorus):
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s nailed upon the cross;
All the harriettes love Jesus’cause he’s hung like this (spread out arms);
Jesus don’t need flour ’cause he lays the trail in blood;
Don’t give your beer to Jesus ’cause he’ll turn it into wine;
etc. 


To Returnees:

Where Were You Last Week?

Where, oh where, were you last week?
Why did you make us hash all alone?
You fat, lazy bastards, you weren't even here!
So we drank all the virgins, and fucked all the beer!


To someone who has been hashing too much:

Get a Life
(William Tell Overture)

Get a life, get a life, get a life, life, life (etc). 


To anyone taking too long to drink their down-down:

Why Are We Waiting?
(O Come All Ye Faithful) 

Why are we waiting,
could be masturbating.
Oh, why are we waiting
so fucking long?

Why are we waiting,
could be fornicating.
Oh, why are we waiting...
Oh, why are we waiting...
Oh, why are we waiting
so fucking long?


Also: The International Hash House Harriers Hymn.